Top 5 Stupid Human Weight Loss Ideas That Don't Work

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Before we start let me say: it's okay that you fall into one or more of these categories. It IS! We are ALL stupid when it comes to weight loss for the most part and if it makes you feel any better I have fallen into ALL of these categories at one point in my life...so don't sweat it...

1) Juice Fasts

You remember Juice Fasts, right? Big about 7 years ago when "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" came out. Thousands of people believed that they had found the answer to their weight loss problems--solid food! All they needed to do was juice normal food into sludge and suck it down hoping that the sour acrid taste would fill the void of their ever growing hunger. Surprise, Surprise: it doesn't work. 

How do I know? Because I TOO tried this in 2011. In fact I just spent the last twenty minutes deleting the youtube videos of me telling my mass audience (of about 20) that I'd never felt better: oh these dark circles under my eyes? I'm going for that! Isn't satiety overrated anyway? 

Here's the deal: most people who follow juice fasts drink mostly fruit juice. You know what fruit juice is full of? Sugar. You know what has NO place in your body? Ding, Ding, Ding! Sugar. Yes you may lose a little weight (though I did not) but you'll gain it back and you'll KILL your metabolism.

Throw out the juicer. You'll thank me later. 

2) Laxatives 

I almost didn't include this because the use of laxatives can ALSO denote a very serious eating disorder (for instance I didn't include starvation or bulimia in this list because they are different things entirely) however I AM including them because I just want the public to HEAR me. 

THEY. DO. NOTHING. BUT. HARM. YOUR. BODY.

Yes: you may "feel" lighter--ignoring the fact that your butthole is on fire--but your body has already absorbed the calories of the food by the time you poop it out. You are not ridding your body of calories. You are not helping your weight loss. You're just dehydrating yourself and destroying your colon not to mention your gut. 

Please, stop. 

3) Over Exercise

This one hits close to home. I use to think that I "earned" cheat days from my chronic cardio. I would run off 500 calories and then go drink and eat 1000 thinking I deserved it. You know what happened? I blew my knee out and didn't lose weight. Gee, thanks.

You can't outrun a bad diet. Exercise is only about 10-15% of your results. YES it can help build muscle and define but the amount of calories you would need to burn to counteract whatever bad diet you're currently on would be astronomical and remember your body isn't a machine--it needs rest--

Over exercise leads to injury and skyrocketed cortisol. No thanks!

4) 1000 Calorie Diets and Below

I won't spend TOO much time on this category because HOPEFULLY you've already heard this a million times. Lowering your calories to an UNREALISTIC number will not help you lose weight permanently. Here are the highlights:
a) You will trash your metabolism
b) You will gain back the weight
c) You will be prone to binges and purges
d) You will be risking your health
e) Bad Sleep, Bad Sex, Bad Headaches-->expect one or all.

Come on, guys. Don't do this.

5) Wraps, Teas, Fat Burners

Never, Ever, Ever trust a silver platter. They don't work. 
 

Remember: I call you stupid because you NEED to hear me. These are tried and true STUPID ways to mess up your chances at a normal, healthy, happy and YES fit body. SO don't do them!! Questions? Comments? Bring em on xo


 

Hannah Burkhauser